I Am Enough.

Surrounded By Death


Death surrounds us all on the daily basis. Naturally we all feel the need to live our lives to the full, their full potential. Why?Life is short. No one really knows the truth as to why/how we were created. Everyone has diffrent beliefs but we all know this... We did'nt get the choice to be here although many choose to end it and opt out of their life. Is that selfish? Many people believe they don't have a reason for existance and feel it is their only option. Their peace and freedom. 


Many would agree that ending a life at your own accord is selfish. There are people out there fighting with all they have to stay here and there are others who just can't bare the thought of being here. 


Those of you who know me know I haven't had it easy these past couple years. My life has been surrounded by tragic losses. Those losses happened in many diffrent circmstanses. It really has had me feeling I guess depressed?! I'd be getting over one passing and another one would happen. I truly thought I was the curse, everyone was leaving me. Who do I have left now? I am alone. 


Alone - Key word here. 

My whole life I've felt this. Alone and lonley. I could be surrounded by a houndred people and still feel this way. The odd one out. I will admit I've never been mentally stable but I'm now thinking that even way back then at such a young age maybe I was depressed too. 

I was one of those who did'nt feel worthy of this gift of life we have and admitidly still don't. I've had many very low moments and a few highs too but I can't help but dwell on what's happeded.

During this ''lockdown" I have had a lot of time to think. I have used this time to figure out what I want in my future. I have decided to try and figure out a sort of five year plan and just focus as much as I possibly can on that. I think keeping myself busy helps my frame of mind. We all deal with things in many diffrent ways and I hope this could be mine. Will I have a sucsessful , happy future? I need to try and learn how to stop this self hate and learn how to love myself and help myself as well as others. 

Death is always going to be around me but why does my own Thanatophobia have to stand in my way? Sleepless nights full of anxiety. I need to figure out how to help myself for my future! 

"If it doesn't matter in five years it doesn't matter" - CHER








Raising My Voice! 07.06.2020

Pretty much my whole life I've been hiding away, hiding in corners out of the way not wanting to be approached. I found any excuse not to speak. I'd even use props, books, earphones and my phone most of all. It's definitely an anxiety but I never felt the need to do anything about it. I guess it was my 'norm'. Silent, unnoticed and scared. Not scared physically but mentally. Scared that if I did speak my mind I'd get judged, hate and I'd say the wrong things. I'd be the fool. I've never been an outgoing person, never liked or wanted attention. I'd much rather blend into the crowd. 

However recently I guess I have changed. I feel like I have been more outspoken and loud because I am soo done with being silent. Keeping everything inside and just following the lead. I'm done with agreeing with everyone just for the sake of keeping the peace.

Well here's the thing I am my own person, I have my own voice and it may have taken me this long to realise but here I go. Raising my voice! I have my own mind and my own opinions so too right I am going to voice them. So here goes the new me, living and thriving my way. This is my life and this is my way of living. Speaking out loud! 





We're All Human. 03.06.2020

So over the last week I'm sure you've all seen or heard the news on the current protests over the murder of George Floyd. Heres the thing though.. Why? Why are we in 2020 and still in this rediculous situation. No matter what race,religion,sex etc you are, at the end of the day we're all exactly the same. We're all human! Maybe diffrent but inside were all equal. Equal is the key word in this situation. Those who know me know i'm very passionate about this.

Honestly im truly dissapointed in our human race. Yes we have the freedom of speech but we also have the rights to be here on this earth. We all have to share this planet and also keep it clean for future genorations. Who are we to take it for granted?How selfish that would be. 

We have started pride month off in utter sadness and chaos, this is not how it was supposed to be. We have all been doing so well and pulling together during this current pandemic sharing that rainbow spirit and now it kind of feels like we've broken again. The tragic loss of George Floyd should never have happened. A life is a life and each one matters. 

I pray that during those protests we don't hit another peak of this virus. We can't afford more lives being taken from us too early. Come on everyone and stick to the social distancing rules please and STAY SAFE




E. Q. U  A. L. I. T. Y.


The Pandemic where this all begins - 28.05.2020

There I was one random sleepless Wednesday night more than two months into this whole lockdown situation and i get the idea of starting this blog. So here I am.

Lockdown.. where do I begin? I'm currently in a love/hate relationship with this whole situation, its been a blessing and a curse. What an emotional rollercoaster I have no idea if i'm coming or going. My mental health has been completley up in the air and i'm sure i'm not the only one feeling like this. One moment i'm dull,depressed and down. The next I'm a glowing spirit bursting with laughter and ideas. This feels crazy!

I've been dealing with a lot of sadness recently with the passing of loved ones and dealing with my own sickness however i've also managed to make some big decisions reguarding my education (which i may start a whole blog about soon). 

Without realising until now i've managed to get myself into some kind of productive routine therefor I feel much better about myself and I dont feel like I'm wasting away these days. 

I won't lie I miss seeing my friends and family but I feel like this time is just what I needed. I always seemed to have something to do but now i'm realising I needed to just take a step back and take a look at what I was doing. Now i have realised and now I can make the changes I need to benefit myself and my future.   

Covid won't break us, we are strong and we will go down in history!

We've all been effected by Covid in some way or another whether you've had it yourself or know someone who has survived or passed away from this virus. I just want to send my love out to everyone.